I mean that. Watch out for laziness. If youd be interested in coaching to implement and maintain No Contact, I could also help you understand what made you his victim. Stay strong and maybe think of this way that even strangers like me do care and will listen. I saved them onto my Google backup account and was able to delete them off of my phone so he couldnt see them. Thanks Anon, if he only cares about appearances why is he so indifferent to losing the material things he once treasured so highly?? This guy dont know him Sees only the glamour side of him and feels flatterd. I miss my son so badly. For example, the other day, on the anniversary of his moms death, he sent a msg to remind me, adding that we should keep the ones we love close and that he misses me. Him and I have a son who will be three tomorrow. Im starting to wonder if maybe a conversation needs to be had to either reaffirm my decision, give him an opportunity to show his humanity, I dont know. well I talked with a number of people about this universally they took the view that I needed to 2) accept it kind of placed me in a situation where their support was conditional on my taking this risk at this same time my current book began to mewes on similar lines I am reading: Summa Technologiae by Stanisaw Lem, https://silkred.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/10906319_10152736870728495_4971952455049889714_n.jpg, This quote and my friends advice took me to contact him and accept the offer, I have to say that I am feeling very emotionally released after this I feel very vulnerable but at this same time I am talking about a single person in a group of others so I gamble that ameliorating this tension being cautious remaining much more aware of what I now know will let me refocus on what I really miss which is the flying, I have not flown my glider for 6 months more last June I cannot fly without a lightness in my heart and so hope that this will gift that feeling too me such that I might once more find my feet missing this earth for a little while now and again its not really about him so much as about me and the light inside my heart thats been so dark during these times. In hindsight there were so many odd things about his behavior and how he described his life (practically no interest in anything about my real life), but I also like eccentric, shy people and a bit of a dark side. My suggestion would be to find out what it is within yourself that attracts you to this personality type (since you mentioned shes not the first). She asked for a jury trial. Things that remind my of him. I just want what is best for both of us, and at this point, I believe time apart is what is best. He sat behind me in math and gazed at me always. Even when things are good you feel like you are standing on quicksand. Now looking at the ease with which its all gone away such a simple interaction do you want a fresh start yes ok lets not talk about the past good idea. Thank you for sharing your story, James. Other then that we were alright. Havent heard from him since but I have been told by many that he will return and when he returns it will be worse because of what I said calling him out?? and they just couldnt care less, they couldnt even care less what its doing to you the one they say they Love. Your ex WILL contact you again. My exs dad is schizophrenic and so is one of his brothers. Here are 10 things a narcissist does when you start to use No Contact with them: 1. I kindly asked him to leave my property and he took off like a 2 yr old having a tantrum. Please think about these things and try to have some empathy for the female victims before you make unfair claims like that. My ex really really did try harder with me and I know this for a fact but it was always precipitated by me dumping him. You will kick yourself for thinking his presence will make you happy. Funny enough, that story I truly do not believe period. The moment youre down on your luck, the narcissist will use the hoovering tactic to suck you back in. He said all of that in the shop because he wanted to see if he could win you back. Dearest . I know for a fact that my ex dated a narc for three years and also has a child with him, and I truly believe that the pain he caused her affected her so bad psychologically that she has taken it out on the men that have come after him. A coward who will never know true love. He said he does not need sex because they are friends first, pffft whatever. "There's something quite narcissistic in thinking that the world cares," Kenny says. This is about THEM, All they need us for is to use us, lie to us, be nasty to us, verbally, emotionally & in some cases physically abuse us & dump all their hatred onto us, to make them feel bigger, stronger & better about themselves, and its all not their fault really Im sorry this happened to you/us. Its been six months. Narcissists are vultures, they dont want anything from anyone other thannarcissistic supply, and if youre not giving it to them, youre of no value. 2. These are a few I experienced. Anonymous, I find what you said to be quite unfair. Id like to thank this message board also, without going no-contact id likely be floating in the nothingness that is a relationship with a Narc. He told me he ussualy forgets that he loves me so much. But think i have to be hounest to help other codependend. Good riddance. My ex was a 64 gym trainer with a drug addiction who recently told me he had reconnected with his sister. And if they cant be guaranteed to stay away, we can stay on a roller coaster of emotion, wondering if and will they will return, and that gives them a considerable amount of control over us. RodMan, TRUST ME when I say this new guy is getting it too. Its spiritual and transcends friendship. On the anniversary of his mothers death he sent a text to remind me. Basically, If you don't like the way things are or who he is, then leave. As to the rest of them, with higher or lesser degree of sadism, seeing the Narc actions, as a result of unconscious is exactly what gets/keeps people in trouble. Thats when there is an new born woman in me. A narcissist will never allow you to escape, let alone figure them out. 3 years takes my money my water bill is due and I have no way to pay it and he knows I can afford and reconnect fee. know who and what he is, and he knows I know the truth about him. The pendulum is simply an analogy for the trajectory your emotions take after a break up. Well, I have been no contact now for over 6 months with the occasional letter concerning our daughter. Hi lisa. If you think about it, its what separates us from them. Leave them and never ever go back. Victims often believe that when the narcissist comes back after months, it's because they . First, I had the internet shut off in his name and re-opened in my name a month ago; second, he should have shut the cable off when he left but he has left it on. I found him again on dating websites, 3 profiles on POF different ages, different names. I feel like i have to train for a mental fight. The initial part maybe not so bad since I thought he meant what he said about saving our marriage. He is always looking for the ideal love but he will never have love in his life. 3. I say this because my ex was an undiagnosed BPD. You both deserve better. He worked on me till he boke me . What a tragedy that wouldve been. For a start, it is self-indulgent. He withheld his banking information from me, but needed access to mine. Also, if you had ever mentioned to him that you thought he was too materialistic or too sexual then the first thing he wants to do is rub it in your face how he has changed for the new supply. He has never been violent, only emotionally and psychologically abusive. There has been no evidence of slander or of him being in another relationship, however, people whi I do not know are quite freely infirming me if this free information after the fact of confirmation of return. learned from the fasting/prayer is that it was time chance and circumstance and they know exactly what they are doing they know right from wrong, good from bad The narcissists jealousy may even lead them to try and sabotage your new relationship by spreading rumors about you or your new partner. Obviously without you I would not die, but a part of me would. Thought of ruining and losing my family and friends, makes me strongly to desire to change my behaviour. You think you are completely over them but letting them in too soon gives them the opening to triangulate, manipulate and mind phuck. Instead, my advice would be no contact, forget him and find something that could love you back. Take time to calm yourself down: Go for a walk or do some exercise. Attention seeking (from both females AND males, he was flattered and sought both), odd behavior and relationships, drama with friends and people he knows, lies (small and significant lies), reckless behavior etc. She thought I would fit the role of her bff, a one way friendship to her of course. What they wont do is tell you about it. & they want it for themselves, They will literally destroy you, slowly & painfully to get it, Cara- it sounds like you may be codependent like I am. Interesting!!! Every day was getting better. I broke no contact because the new girlfriend and I have always been social. Finally Ive found something I feel blessed that i came across your blog along with one other, there is so much false information out there, unfortunately some Narcissistic Abuse forums become the Narcissist,s playground set up to hunt for their next pound of flesh. One such neurotransmitter is dopamine, a chemical responsible for making us feel pleasurable sensations throughout our bodies. [Read:6 Things That Explain Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships]. I can relate to your concerns because I share a son with my Ex. Im not sure. Im loving him from a distance while trying to forget him. A lot harder. Im dealing with that now. When they lose said control, this illusion is shattered. after 3 month no contact this is what he said in a private message on FB: I miss jXXX (grandchild). It was not so much the fact that she had not yet paid me the money. He claimed that I shouldnt harden myself and that he was one of the good guys. I said nope, I will not give you that satisfaction. Narc husband says, "no offence, but you're not the first to think of this". To this day h will not admit this, I have even exchanged emails and texts with the woman who he had the affair with. If I feel like answering I do. Wow! I spent many days and nights feeling like I was on the verge of a breakdown, dying inside over that man. The new supply doesnt know the narcissists agenda and will go along with whatever the narcissist asks of them. He figured if he stayed away long enough I would forget his horrible words. When things sounds to good to be true they usually are. However, I must add, the corporation and the hired management know, that I know their dirty laundry. So, its not that they were deceived by her, its just what is now known as corporate psychopathy, can look up, if youre interested. You know the relationship was destructive and unhealthy, even though you may want to get back together. I am the ho, bitchI am not getting any help and find it very hard to ask for help. I avoid face to face as much as possible, we communicate via email and phone messages. He just was gone at a time i was in Holland with my mom she has cancer. Hes evil and Im miserable. Reasons and purpose will be given and the person in the relationship with the Narcissist will see the Narcissist through rose tinted goggles. Matt, you need to block her on FB. They can lie in a New York minute. Here are three tricks that the abuser will try: 1. However, he is trying hoovering to get me back. -An impossible repair as the disagreement gets deeper Started sending me love songs. i know that i am releeved and happy. If you cant do it for urself, do it for ur son. Funny thing is Eden, she says oh he is happy now, blah blah, and she told me the reason he could not get it up is because he stopped liking me as a person. That would help you work out your feelings without losing your dignity in regards to giving him the chance to make you feel rejected again. One of the reasons they get away with so much abuse is that the makeup of sex is always mind-blowing. (what i have done, journaled privately, discussed with close friends and family, deleted social media and phone number, havent spoken a word to her.) Last year, an ex-colleague started to woo me. I called him a lost soul. Knowledge is power and when I confronted him and told him I had figured him out and listed his Narc traits, he was blown away and I actually think that he is afraid of me now. But it runs a lot deeper than that. Daily posts to her family and the friends id still never met on how wonderful he was. *************************************************************************************************************. She looks beautiful and I lost that or I dont even know if he really *saw* me, as in the way I looked, like maybe he noticed those passion marks and now he know Im no longer sitting around crying like he *thought* I might be, still brokenhearted. The person you thought he was does not exist. LOL! I dont mean that. To validate my investment.). So if your narcissistic ex-partner calls threatening to take their life, theyre more than likely pulling your bluff in hopes that youll feel so sorry for them and be so worried that theyll actually do it, you come running back. She blocked me from social media and owes me $3,000, so the motive for her to stay away is pretty strong. Has it been easier than just having him up and leave? Even worse he met an adorable famous person in his country who does the same work as him andnthey are having a baby. Also, how can you move in with someone you have not had sex with? As she said, He teaches us all how to behave. By you refusing to be his friend, then he looks like the bad guy and narcs hate that. I dont know if you are one of them who can be treated, but perhaps you are. But on the other side.. but my guess is that men are used to going into their shells with their pain maybe? My N left me for her boss. Whats the attraction? He knows he is messed up and he apologized profusely for messing us up. He talked incessantly about everything..why people behave the way they do and how childhood impacts negative behaviors, blah blah. You will find that you will have good days and then feel like youre back at day one. Im not going to lie, for the first time in a long time, i actually felt that love and heartbreak feeling when thinking about never seeing and talking to her again. At times the situation appears to so bizarre that it does not seem real. Others who actually saw things go down actually stepped up to say what happened. proclamations of us even though one has made it clear there is no US (dont know if FREEATLAST did too, but noticed same wording in her exs letter), And then there is, of course, his Christian concern that I be relieved of my bitterness and anger (on the surface sounds like good things)but meanwhile not genuinely acknowledging the tragic and deeply wounding things he did to me to cause any bitterness or anger. Lies, lies, lies.. And sex halted to once a month. The more i talked with others the more the web entangled. Seems to me it was a lie to keep the door open and to justify his sick advances. It doesn't matter that the contact was negative - they got you to respond, which was their goal. Narcissists keep us tethered to them by something we cant explainuntil either they or we cut the cord for good. takes you step-by-step through the five stages of leaving a narcissist and helps lead you straight to the exit. In short, they never really let their exes go. I will definitely visit him now. At times, at school, the feelings that I had for you were very new and somewhat overwhelming I almost didnt believe them. Minimal contact, short, unemotional responses. She hasnt shed a tear since I walked out after finding out about the affair. . Also, my thought was, if he was so desperate to get the equipment and he knew i was ignoring him, why didnt he send me a registered letter, put a note on my door or car (which by the way, was parked in front of my house the day he knocked on my landladys door) or send the sheriff to my house with a court order? They really do. Sumhow he came driving by my new apartment as I was getting out of my pickup after work. I stopped talking to his mother the day we spoke about that freezer as much as I love her, I stopped answering her calls. They whip themselves into a frenzy because they need your supply to maintain their false image. I lost contact with all other family members. Did the narcissist leave you for a new love and is now having second thoughts? I think its time for total no contact! She has a bad cocaine problem, and yes I suppose I did try to control that and get her into rehab. Reading Suggestion: The Narcissist Discard phase. As if to say the 2 months of no contact has made me forget all of his nasty words, actions, caring (manipulating) ploys and that of his mothers too where I should join him in viewing the world with rose colored glasses and ignore the cloud above my head. Keeping you mine. She sounds like she has an addiction either chemical or narcissitic. They fear strong women. If this ex returns, it will NOT be good for you, no matter wha. I raged more than him since he drove me crazy at times. Little did I know his ex was a codependent strung along for nearly a decade. You will never have a nice, clean ending. Four years of emotional, verbal, mental and psychological abuse. Every time I try and get over it and move on and I feel like Im getting somewhere he reappears. Not once did he call me to see if I was ok I hate tslkin about this IT MAKES ME SOOOO SAD BUT I HAVE TO ASKWHAT IS THE COMPULSION W DOIN BACK NOT BEIN ABLE TO PUT HIM DOWN M LEAVE HIM THERE? (This is my second marriage to one and tired of their nonsense- good luck!). RodMan, thanks for your insight. Just now I received a call from the x about our daughter and school. He wanted just me etc. This is 100% the TRUE WORDS OF A NARCISSISTI just left mine the 9th of july this yearit was a NIGHTMAREtotal Dr. Jekyll Mr.Hyde personality. He doesnt want that getting out. Yes ! A few hours later, the second text came through: Did u get my earlier text? I didnt respond to either text. Good bye Danny, [] They are control freaks. Stay strong and dont give in! There was a place that was open and never seemed to be fulfilled before but youre doing a great job of filling it. I have no doubt you will one day hear a similar story with this BPD girl and the new supply. Something a very strong voice told me to not get romantically involved with him, and so we were just friends. How can you say you love someone and do these things. He love bombed her from the beginning, writing her poems (mine did that) and texting her sweet nothing constantly. Suddenly, all his love for me was gone and he couldnt trust me anymore (which was a joke since he never trusted me even though I never did anything to this man but Narcs never trust anyone because they project themselves onto everyone and know that they are not trustworthy). Believe me! Hes only thinking about her and himself. All I can say is thank you. They never accept blame , they control your world ( or try), projection . I ran into a mutual friend at a bar one night, and she was one of his facebook friends. We met at the very beginning of a pregnancy I had with another man who turned out to be a pathological liar. I think disordered women make far better/effective liars then men in general, so the pain can be even worse for a male victim. And time is passing. Patricia, the very fact that youre concerned you might be a Narcissist is proof that youre not. Turning his family on me . She would never admit she was wrong and her mood change at the drop of a hat. I also ensured there my ex-narcissist would ever contact me again when I removed his mask and caused a major narcissistic injury. One of their manipulative tactics is to cut you down and then say they were just kidding. Jamie, if I were in your shoes, I would file a restraining order, citing the information you shared here. Narcs and Psychos dont do this. Then she blocks me, so I cant say anything. I want him out but no success so far. Youd love it. All of these behaviors youve listed are par for the course. The thing that gives me a bad feeling is that in the meantime when he did not contact you he has a lot of fun and totaly forget about you. He and I use to go to that park and made love to each other. document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Free Training 7 Proven Strategies to Defeat Narcissistic Abuse. We said hi. well, i guess i still have a lot to learn! All of the things she said were meaningless, despite me wanting to believe them. He is tired of my games, so I said enough with the bs Im worth more then this and I want more then this, I felt stuck and thats no way to live. Idolized for a period of a few weeks. But since you used no contact, your ex is not annoyed by you. So how do you explain to the ones that you love that they the have no future because of a mental disorder starting grade one that was not recognised until a year ago? My monkeybranch was so humiliating for my nex that he hasn't been out to the clubs for nearly 3 weeks since he saw me out with the guy. I hope you will take the time to read other womens experiences. If you left because you could no longer handle the cycle of abuse, they only treated you that way because your actions forced them to. Totally cut her off..dropped her like a hot potato. He also allowed an ex (who lived in another country) to keep believing that she had a chance with him. Granted, we spoke on the phone all the time, but you see what I am getting at. Id never met her children When he gives me the old lets meet for dinner line I tell him yea when I free up. Maybe i just miss compagny. Two months later, in May, he wrote a lovely email that he misses me blah blah. He only neglected me, ignored me, lied over and over again, and all other behaviour narcissists have. I love seeing myself through my eyes imagining how I look through your eyes. But clearly, something in me allowed this man to keep doing some of the things he did, long after my spirit was telling me to run like hell. I started noticing things were shifting about 3 months after I met him. -Their way or the highway Other women I have dated that possesed BPD traits were easier to see their faults. I doubt it seriously, but thanks for the input. It is possible as long as you are in a position of power and you have totally moved on. Ive realized something very scaryMy ex Narc and I share something in commonWE ARE BOTH IN LOVE WITH HIS FAKE IMAGE. over and over. Another thing I forgot! they were weeping for validation of their love), I decided their words and action no longer hold much weight. When the narcissist eventually comes back, theres plenty of supply waiting to be imparted. 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